The Female Code

May 3, 2006

Yes, you read that right.  Today, I will begin (though I will never finish, nor be able to) deciphering the female code. All males understand what I'm writing about, and if you're one who does not, then you are actually a woman. Here's what I've come up with:

A Woman's Language, translated to English:

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
She's cute = She's ugly
He's hot = He's hot

Do you think I look pretty? = I look pretty, and you should say I do too
What's are you doing right now? = Nothing because you're bored without me.
I don't want anything for (my birthday/Christmas) = Surprise me with more than your empty hands.
What are you doing tomorrow? = Want to do something with me tomorrow?
Who was that? = Who do I need to kill?
How much money do you have? = How much of your money can I spend?
Do you think that girl is pretty? = You better not think that girl is pretty.
Call me = Call me or I'll make you cry 

A Woman's Behavior, analyzed:

Laughs a lot = Flirt with me.
       Watch out. These women will kill you by playing on your pride. Use the buddy system to stay above water and not drown in their flattery.

Glares a lot = I want to kill you.

       Watch out X 2. Travel in packs around girls that do this. You need at least four men. One to fight her off/hold her back, and three to run for help. I personally like to do the latter.

Talks to herself = I've heard of girls whispering, "The end is near" randomly…um…see solution to "Glares a lot." 

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