Shaken and Stirred

April 27, 2006

Today, I randomly got out of bed at 1:52 AM, turned on my computer, and somehow navigated to the blog of a person named Jaeson Ma. OH yeah, I got it through a link in an email from Vivian Ni. Thanks!

I've heard a lot about this guy, from Sophie, Darrin (SJSU), Brian Park, and a whole bunch of other people. I couldn't quite figure out why they revered him so much; their eyes light up, their smiles glow, and they speak with happiness when speaking about anything related to this guy. I even have a few of his messages on my computer from Brian, but this is the first time I've ever read anything written by him.

On his blog, he talks about preaching out in the open, in the middle of the UCLA campus sometimes to no one in particular and sometimes to dozens of people. He talks about how he felt a spontaneous desire to carry a 7-foot cross to a place called "Bruin Walk" and start preaching and praying. Then it struck me: why am I never struck with such desires? I have never felt compelled to start randomly yelling in the rally court about God, or laughing because of all the great things He's done for me. What compels Jaeson, yet neglects to compel me? I feel shaken, I feel stirred, I am scared that Jaeson loves God more than I do. It's not good to compare the elements of Christ since we are of the same body, but I really have to wonder why I don't carry 7-foot crosses, 5-foot crosses, or even a pocket-sized cross to preach and share.

I don't know. I haven't figured out what it is that makes Jaeson move the way he does. Maybe God has called each individual to do different things, there will be one Moses, one Jeremiah, one Jesus, one Abraham, one John the Baptist, one Paul, one Jaeson, and one Andrew. But maybe there is a way to show my faith and my love more extravagantly, flamboyantly. What if I did all of the things that Jaeson did, would that prove that I have as much faith as him? There must be other ways, or are there? I don't know. At this point I only have questions but no answers, thoughts but no conclusions. I know that I love the Trinity as much as any other believer, but the question is, should I have to do these things to prove it?

How about you? Where do you stand in your faith?

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